Today I woke up with this very strange feeling. Oddly enough, I will admit, the feeling was rather strange but in a good way. Although I can’t remember much of my dreams in the last couple of days the one fact that I do recall about them is that my mother was a big part of them. This does not come as a surprise to me. I’m a very spiritual person and I believe that even when people pass there is always a connection between them and their loved ones. Of course, I believe in spirits and things of that nature but it’s never taken to any levels of extremity and I’m definitely not going to turn into some sort of ghostbuster or obsessed Paranormal Professional or lack thereof.
For some time now I’ve been going through some rather interesting life changes. Some have been good and some have been bad. I have been trying to rid myself of the unnecessary people in my life and by doing so I have stirred up more trouble than I’ve bargained for. A lot of these associates have found me to be a bitter person, which isn’t the case at all. I have found myself explaining over and over again that sometimes when a person is fed up with nonsense from other people it causes them to push those people away. Needless to say, some of these people did not take this very well and chose to argue with me about my decisions, which I find to be completely ridiculous. Thus, being the person that I am, this has sort of pushed me into a corner.
I’d much rather get on with my life in peace, but once again, these energy-sucking imbeciles refuse to allow to me have my peace. Some have even admitted to their mistakes and apologized for their actions, but if I am to go forward there isn’t a reason for me to conjure forgiveness and attempt to put the pieces back together of what I believe to be a failed friendship. I simply will not allow myself to put any more energy into such things. On the Nurturing Shannon side of things after I have flipped my hand and sent them on their way I can’t help but feel a bit of guilt inside for being such a stern person. If I did not know them at all, there wouldn’t be a way in hell I would feel any kind of remorse. Even though I haven’t went back to my old ways and continued to move forward, I still can’t help but feel terrible, thus, my being backed into a corner.
All of this in which I just discussed leads me back to the first paragraph. The direct connection between my dreams and my mother. You see, with everything going on with me, I feel the need to talk to her a lot, completely ignoring the fact that she either may not hear me or I’m just completely insane. But because I believe I’m a completely sane and rational person, I’d much rather toss out the latter idea and stick with the fact that she may not hear me. However, when I was presented with the corner into which I was pushed, I began to ask for her help. I want her to guide me and show me the proper way of handling things. I was only 19 years old when she left my life and I feel like there was much we still hadn’t touched upon. There was much she still had to teach me, even if I am grown and can completely make decisions on my own. I still yearn for that motherly advice and nurturing. I called to her numerous times and there isn’t a way in the world that I’d find it to be completely coincidental she would appear in my dreams once more. I had not dreamed about her in months. In fact, I tried to suppress those dreams because they bothered me so much. Now, she’s back and I’m embracing the fact that she is. What makes it so special is that whenever she enters my dreams now, it’s always because I’m making a big decision and she’s there for me. I don’t take it literal because when I snap back into reality, she is not there to guide me. Or is she? I’d prefer to think of my dream as a sign from her, that no matter what I’m doing or decisions I’m making she’ll always be there for me, even if not in the physical. So, I realized I’m definitely a sane person after all, as if I had any doubts. 
One can imagine how this sign makes me feel. I don’t have to feel alone anymore in anything. Sure, I have some people by my side to support me but nothing is ever truly better to me than having a motherly figure to guide you. Some of yours may be right there, whether it be a mother, a grandmother, an older sibling, an older associate or friend. I have none of those. So the mere fact that I began to dream about the one person in my life that meant the most to me is more than a gift from God. It gives me strength and allowed me to understand that whatever decisions I decided to make would be because I made them and what more is there to ask for?
Girl you know I love reading your blog and this one especially. You know I lost my father. And I can understand what you’re saying. It’s very weird how he appears in my dreams. He’s always in my dreams. I tell my older sister about it all the time. The night before his birthday his was in my dream. It was great. Then when I woke up it was back to reality. But I felt like I spent his day with him and I loved it. I hate when he’s in my dream, I’ve even had him tell me he is still here. He didn’t die. And when I woke up I was so disoriented I didn’t know what to think. But I was assuming he was telling me he’s here for me. Man I get that lump in my throat thinking about it makes me want to cry. But I’m so glad that he pops up. When I fly I always pray and I think of my father and I always carry his obituary from the newspaper with me, I don’t know if that sounds strange, but I do and it makes me feel like he’s with me. This post was fabulous. I know how you feel though I think the same way when my friends are complaining about their dads..like atleast you have one, is what goes on in my mind. GREAT POST!
you know i once took a photography of my aura at this fair and this woman told me that the light balls above my head represented the spirits that are with me and looking out for me. she told me i was being guided. i really felt she was talking about my grandparents and it gave me such a warm and comforting feeling.
but losing your mother at that age, i think that’s horrible. nobody should have to go through something like that. i don’t think it’s weird that you feel the need to talk to her. i hope you will find some comfort in your signs as well.
interesting post. wisdom in general whether from parents, elder, bestfriend, husband, God, whoever is better than any material gain. if you ever need guidance I recommend the Word. stay blessed <3
I couldnt begin to understand how hard it would have been to lose a parent at such an early age… its something extremely hard to fathom and live within. I think you have done yourself a fantastic job of looking after yourself and your lil cute son.
I think the dreams and the signs are a good thing. Maybe thats how your mother can guide you. I do believe in spirits although I have not personally ever had anything like that happen. I actually barely ever remember any dreams, even if I ever have them, which sucks. I rarely have them. I definitely believe their a sign.
I just got back from my holiday and it was good. Thanks for the well wishes for the holiday, it rained just about everyday and I ended up with the flu but Im all good, and it was still a nice break away from work, nonetheless, lol.
Jaz xxx
I really love this blog. I feel you on this. I don’t think when people die they are gone forever I think they always hang around. I remember when my cousin died I felt something rub me to sleep and she showed up in my dreams. I don’t think it’s crazy at all.
But for the friends. I feel guilty too sometimes but if you don’t be stern they going to keep playing you like a fool and keep getting on your nerves. I’d rather feel guilt than to get a migraine.
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I couldn’t exactly imagine or fully relate to this blog only because both of my parents are still living. I have had dreams of my grandmother who passed away about 6 years ago. I was very close to her and her death it left me in total grief. The dreams that she rarely appears in leaves me in a cold sweat; I often forget the contents of the dream, but I do always remember visioning her presence.
Its important to understand dreams, especially your own. With your mother appearing in one around the time where you do make big decisions lets you know that she will always be there when you need her. When things become difficult and when you need a helping hand.
I think that when people are going through life changes that have big impacts, their beliefs get stronger. Maybe that could be the cause for your dreams? I usually dream about things that I don’t think about often and pop up for a minute during the day. I’m happy that you have found a reason for your dream, and that you’re using it as your strength. Take care. <3
Everytime you speak of your mother, I get all sentimental. I may not comment all of the time, but I lurk. This reminds me of my aunt who passed 4 years ago. She had lupus and caught pneumonia. Days before she died in the hospital, I had a dream that she died, but her spirit told me not to worry, that everything would be ok. At the time, it was very disturbing. I never told anyone in my family about it. Now I look back and cherish that dream.
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