This morning while boarding the elevator at work, I became aware that everything and everyone has a unique scent. Everyday, when I walk into the office, I smell the same office building smell. When it comes to people, it’s the same way. However, I realized, that when I walk into my own home, it doesn’t have a familiar scent. That’s weird to me. One of the things that I find are distinctive about any home is how it smells. Home is a very familiar place to me, so, why doesn’t it have its own scent? Surely, it does, but I may not be smelling what everyone else smells. I gave it some thought and I’ve concluded that maybe my home doesn’t feel like a home anymore. I have been through so much in the last couple of years that I have even began to become forgetful. I have never been one to forget or misplace anything, and for this to happen kind of frightens me because as a person, I am changing/getting older. Although I’m only 24 years old, sometimes I feel much older. How could this be? You see, I’ve been living a pretty stressful life the past five years. I know that this could be the reason for all of these odd occurrences.
A couple things I never forget, though. I can’t forget the first time my mother was diagnosed with Cancer. I was 11 then and we didn’t have anyone, so we had to take care of her, my sisters and I. My grandparents and my mother weren’t on good terms. We’d been alone for a while but we stood by her everyday. I made sure my sisters had breakfast every morning and then I took them to school before walking to my own middle school. It was tough for an 11 year old, but I knew what had to be done and so it was done.
I can’t forget the terrible car accident I was in when I was 17 years of age. My ex boyfriend, his brother and I had been driving around late at night when my ex lost control of the car. It hit a pole first on the drivers side, then it spun around into the corner of a building and wrapped around in the shape of the letter L. Unfortunately, I was on the passenger side and was knocked unconscious. I remember waking up in the hospital cold as hell, scared and bleeding to death while the doctors frantically prepared me for surgery. I’d been bleeding internally from two places and had to be given 6 blood transfusions. As a result of this, I don’t have a spleen and I have to get a shot every 5 years for not having one. I have to look in the mirror everyday at a familiar scar that vertically aligns my belly as a result of a few surgeries. I’m lucky to be alive. My doctors said so. I’m reminded of this everyday when I look at that scar or get into a vehicle, terrified. There were some other details that I’d rather not reveal because it’s too painful.
Most of all, I can’t forget my mothers death. She was diagnosed with cancer a second time shortly before my accident. She was so wrapped up in making sure that I get better, that she neglected to take care of herself. I do believe this is why I’m haunted by the fact that she suffered so much. When she finally told everyone about the fact that she was sick (no one knew, she kept it a secret), the cancer spread from her breast to her brain. She had brain surgery, which was successful but a couple of months later the cancer came back, full force, shutting down all of her organs, paralyzing and killing her.
When I think about this sequence of events, I think about my fate. When my mother was first diagnosed with cancer, I was only 11 years of age but I took the role of the mother. That had given me the courage and strength to understand that sometimes important things need to be done. The car accident was a wake up call for everyone. I had almost lost my life. It was also the mask for the fact that my mother was sick. When she died, I became responsible for the household and my siblings at the age of 19. I was supposed to live to be able to do what I’m doing now. Although I’ve been through so much, I’m pretty lost in this world. I take everything day by day, remembering everything that has happened in my life, appreciating things for what they are, being grateful for everything that I do have, remembering my mother and her disciplines and struggling to find myself.
I admire you for your strength and view of the world. You’re definitely mature for your age. So many things have happened to you in your life and you’re still standing strong. That is amazing.
Damn girl you have been through a lot. You are truly blessed and you are very strong. You handle things so well. I can’t say the same.
You should write a book. Really, I’d read it. Well, I guess you’re lacking in the free time right now. Maybe way down the road when you’re retired or something.
We’re almost the same age, but I do feel much younger than you. I’ve led a very sheltered life. I feel very immature a lot of the time and it kinda scares me that I’ll be getting married and starting a family. You have wisdom and experience to pass on, I have Disney memorabilia.
I’ve always heard that you’ll never know how your house smells, but others will know how it smells, mainly because you’re there all the time and don’t notice it. Like, my boyfriend’s house, to me, always smells like chicken and rice (lmao), and he’ll be like, no it doesn’t, but he can’t tell because he lives there.
Hm, this blog really touched me a lot. I never knew you went through so much. I’m sorry you’ve had to go through so much, I feel really bad, but it’s good that you realized what you had to take on instead of moping around and feeling sorry for yourself. You’re a strong person, I don’t think I could be like that if I lost either of my parents now.
I could never imagine going through all that at such a young age. Your a strong person to be able to deal with all the things that happened to you at such a young age. i know they say people move on , but i don’t think i would be able to function.
& i dnt know , but sometimes you smell other’s houses and it stinks. i hate that , when someone walks pass you and the smell of their house is on them… [i'm sure your house smells good] but , i wonder why they cnt smell it.
Life has challenges. And I don’t know if you’re a believer but I believe that God throw challenges our way to either test our faith in him or just to make us stronger. We may not know it or not, but we usually become stronger after challenges and what makes us us is if we learn from it and help ourselves and others through obstacles being that we’ve learned alot ourselves.
And I totally agree with Lissy, you SHOULD write a book I would definitely buy it. This blog has opened my eyes to alot of things. I love this blog.. thanks for sharing this with us.
Wow Shannon, it is amazing how strong you are. Events in life are so unexpected, especially when it’s a tragedy. Usually it also takes a near death experience for people to realize how blessed they really are. You are definitely a grateful individual Shannon and with all you’ve been through it shows that no obstacle is too big for you to climb. But I’m sure it’s not easy.
Thanks for the nice comment. Glad you like the song, and it’s so difficult to feel that way, especially at night
I was thinking about this blog yesterday. I came into my room and all of a sudden I smelled something that I had never smelled before. I don’t know what it was but after 30 seconds the smell was gone. It was probably Psychological but I thought it was weird.
Reminiscing is always a great strength to help you to continue n for tomorrow. It is definitely the experience that contributes to a better tomorrow for the most of us. It’s also the scars from yesterday that makes us strive for a better and healing tomorrow, and I hope you will be able to find that healing. Those memories are ones of overcoming, but also should be able to help you provide for overcoming your fears for tomorrow
Wooo you just have a very simple layout and i really like it! I dont know why but it’s lovely and simple? Good work!
Jesus. You have been through so much! I hope that you don’t have any more crises for awhile. I think that these are the events which make us really who we are – we’re not the color of our hair or even the fact that we laugh at stupid jokes. We’re how we are during the hard moments of our lives, and if we get through it, we’re already doing well.
I think we don’t notice the scent of our own home because we’re in it so often that we’re just too use to it and don’t smell it anymore
I’m sorry to hear about your car accident and your mother’s death following it. You’ve obviously been through a lot and it’s good that your writing publicly for the world to hear because it’s good to open up and you might be helping people who have gone through similar events when they visit your blog. =)
(I just wrote a long response, but it was deleted… boo)
Wow, you have been through sooo much in your youthful life. I believe that speaking about your trials and blessings throughout your life can truly reach and speak to someone else. From your experiences, I guarentee there’s someone reading right now that may have went through a similar experience or may know someone who has. The positive outcome is you are the strong, smart and promising person in the end… and plus two beautiful souls came out in the making.
I’ve noticed the homely and personal smells every since I can remember… and especially why my home doesn’t have a familiar scent, LOL. The only way you may smell just a little scent of anything is if you are gone for a good minute or if new scents are introduced to the home. It’s definitely wierd.
Keep staying strong!
I’m really amazed with your strength. Even though you’ve been through so many unfortunate events, you manage to be a mother of two children, have a lovely boyfriend, steady job and house you can keep for yourself. Just look positive – you still got much and that’s important!
When I read about the accident, the cancer, it reminded me of my mother. She lost her dad in a car accident when she was 9. Then my grandma got sick (hospital and stuff) when she was 12. She had to take care of a whole house and my uncle for like a couple years. She’s a really good person now and can really handle a lot. I think those events in her life made her more responsible than a lot of people in her age. I can tell it when I compare people.
I wish you all the best with my heart. :love:
I’m so sorry Shannon. You’ve been through a lot, and I definitely admire you for being so strong. You’re truly an inspiration.
I’ve been curious about that car accident. That was terrible, and I’m glad you’re okay, despite the consequences of having no spleen, and having to have a shot every 5 years. You should be very grateful that you’re still alive.
And your Mother, that’s devastating how she lost her battle. But, she’s in a wonderful place, no longer suffering, and watching down on you, your son, and daughter. I’m sure she’s up there right now, smiling, and very proud of you, and your accomplishments.
You certainly have been through a lot. I haven’t had nearly as much to deal with yet as you have, even though I am only a couple of years younger than you. It wasn’t until last year that I even had a family member get really sick, but I have such a small family. My Aunt was diagnosed with colon cancer last year, in on Christmas Eve, and she died this November from it.
I smell scents all the time and when I go to my bf’s house, it has it’s own distinctive smell and my own house is the same, it has it’s own scent and I think it’s because I am constantly in and out of my home that I can actually smell my own home’s scent, but it’s always only as soon as I open the front door, 1 minute after that literally it fades away. It’s because it’s familiar to us, that we don’t smell it as much. I think that would be why, but it’s an interesting topic, I had never thought about it like that before.
You most definitely have not had the easiest life, however, look at how much you have grown and matured at such an early age. It’s a good thing to be mature. It’s amazing infact. And you’re such a giving person and very caring, they’re qualities you’ve obtained and created through this. It’s something good that you’ll have about yourself FOREVER. I think you have been so brave and so strong. You are a greater person for it. I think you have two beautiful children and you’re their hero. Just like your mother was for you.
*hugs*
I hope your work is going good, I am back too now after my holiday. It’s been going pretty good, I just love holidays so much, LOL. It’s a bit painful to go back but it’s an unfortunate reality. Especially now that I am looking at a car to buy and having a lot of trouble finding the right one.
Jaz xxx
I think the way life plays out is we are never given challenges we cannot tackle… Every single time you come face to face with the “enemy” you were always able pick yourself up and brush your self off… N that is alot, to accomplish at your age…
As for scent, I’d say its more of like what you are used to… but i agree with Jaz.. I notice as soon as I come through the front door I could smell that scent then it gradually fades…
hay sugh!
wow how did u find me?
good to see u did tho..
and I know why u don’t smell your own home.. because nobody can smell their own home.. it’s because you are used to it.. like when u buy a new perfume.. and put it on.. you smell it.. but when u are wearing that perfume like every day for a long time.. you don’t smell it that much anymore..
you know when u CAN smell ur own home? by going on vacation.. seriously.. when I went on vacations.. and came home.. I SMELLED home.. lol ..while normaly I can’t
ne ways I know the feelin after been through a lot ..
it does makes u feel older in a way yeah.. I have the same
Wow I’m so glad you shared this. It really touched me to hear all that you’ve been through. In my early teen years i’ve had to go through a lot as well and it just makes me feel so good to see someone that not only took on the challenges but overcame them inspirationally. i really appreciate this post. it seems that through everything you’ve been forced to overcome, you were truly made stronger.
I have always admired your strength since the first time I read your blog some time ago. It’s hard to fathom what you went through, and I’m glad you made it to talk about it. God has his plan and sometimes we don’t understand it, nor like it, but it’s all for a reason.
Surviving comes in many different forms, but a true survivor knows their weakest points in life, acknowledges them, and keeps on trucking …and that my dear is you!
I agree with Lissy, I think you should definitely consider writing a book. It would really inspire people, especially young teenage girls. that don’t have a role model to look up to.
I really admire you for keeping going after everything you’ve been through. I think it’d be a wake up call to some younger people if they heard your story – I think it’d teach them that life is precious, and that some people have it a lot harder than them and yet don’t complain, and appreciate what they do have in life.
I agree with what some people said about how you probably can’t smell scents in your own home because you’re so used to it.
I’m not sure if it’s my hormones or my instinctive empathy, but this entry brought tears to my eyes. I can be very subjective about things but reading this I couldn’t help but try and see the world from your position. I don’t think I would have had the strength that you exhibited these past few years, especially with so many harsh events in such a short period of time. I admire your ability to look at the world and still find courage to face it everyday.
That’s a lot to go through at a young age but everything happens for a reason to prepare you for something later on in life. It made you stronger and surely a better mother to your children. It helped you be responsible. Its beautiful to see when people don’t crack from the pressure and be a leader during bad times. When you can make it through all that lord knows what you can do!
I never notice any scents unless its a scent from a man..that’s shameful
Maybe you are so used to the smell of your own home that it’s so familar you don’t even notice it.
The car accident sounds pretty scary. It’s by God’s grace that you’re still alive.
Concerning your mother I hope you don’t secretly blame yourself for it. She did what any loving good mother would do. She nursed you back to health and even though she’s gone it seems that she’s now living through you because you’ve become so strong. It takes a lot of courage to do that and I commend you for it.