It all started late last night. My body was telling me to get to bed, but my mind refused to allow me the rest that it knew I needed. I laid awake in my bed, looking up at the ceiling and hoping that soon, the sandman would pay me a visit and send me off to dreamland. I was a fool and only fools hope, at least that’s what I’d always believed. I kept thinking of things I could possibly do instead of laying in bed, but I knew that once I got up, I wouldn’t be motivated to lay down again, so I decided against the journey across the bedroom. Now comes the curse as my mind scrambles for long-lost memories, ones of which I thought I buried deep within the bowels of my brain. I couldn’t shake myself from this trance. I couldn’t help but to analyze these memories and relive them once again. I allowed my mind to drift off, taking me to sleep.
I’ve decided to share a piece of my night with you guys. I figure it would be a way that I could get things off my brain. I worry about nights such as those. Those nights where I have the most trouble sleeping. Sometimes I wish it would be easier for me and one would think it is, because I have such a hectic life. But it’s definitely a lot more complicated than it seems. I noticed that after my mom died, I had the most trouble sleeping. I kept dreaming about her and what haunted me was the fact that in my dreams, I desperately sought to find ways to help her. There isn’t a cure for cancer of course. Most of my dreams consisted of her arriving at my house. In these dreams, it isn’t always apparent to me that she’s sick. She just comes “back home” and leaves again within a couple of days and in my dreams, I understand that she has to go. It’s a weird feeling but at the same time, when I wake up, I’m saddened because it felt so real, just having her there again. Reality hits and I realize it was all just a dream. Sometimes I pray that when I fall asleep, that I won’t dream about her, just so I won’t wake up with those false hopes. I know it’s a part of me that still hasn’t let go of it all. In time…
Random: I’ve decided that for the sake of some type of privacy (especially in people I don’t desire finding me online), I’m going to use a nickname that my friends called me back in school, on most of my websites. Everyone knows I’m a pretty private person and I’ve noticed that people are finding my website just by googling my name. Weird, as there are millions of people with my name in this world, being as though it’s so common a name. You’ll see my name around the site and most likely when I comment. It would be appreciated if you all could change the name to Sage if you have me linked. Thanks a bunch!
I had similar dreams after my dad passed away. They use to freak me out bad. I wish I had some advice or something but I still struggle with it myself.
So weird that I came across this post.. of all days, today. I have had terrible time sleeping the past few weeks. Actually, ever since my mom passed, almost six years ago.. my sleeping habits have changed drastically. Some nights are good, but most are horrible. I toss and turn a lot.. mostly from the dreams I have.
It’s weird to read about your dreams of your mother because they remind me so much of my own. I have had, literally.. 50+ dreams of my mom and almost 95% of them are about the same. She comes back into my life, after being dead, and I am confused through out the entire dream while the rest of my family is thrilled of the news. Days pass by in my dreams and one of two things happen.. either she disappears or dies. It is the most horrendous feeling waking up from such a dream, it feels as if I am losing her over and over again. It’s hell.
I am so sorry you’re having trouble sleeping and such horrible dreams. I wish I could tell you something.. something to make you feel better, but I am in the same boat as you.
I just pray God gives me better dreams.. so far, bleh. Not yet. But I am hopeful! They are just dreams after all.. I would like to think there is a deeper meaning behind them.. and I hope to figure it out some day.
I couldn’t sleep last night either. Fortunately for me, the horrible thoughts that creep into my mind are limited to wedding vendors.
Man, I had so much trouble falling asleep last night, too! I laid in bed about 11pm, fell asleep about after 1am. I got only four hours of sleep and it sucks.
I’ve recently noticed I keep having troubles sleeping at all. It always takes ages to fall asleep. I don’t know, maybe I think too much? Eh, even pills don’t work anymore.
As for dreams… hopefully it will get better with time. Maybe when your life settles down the way you want it to be. I wish you the best. :heart:
I had the same problem before I got hacked. People finding my site, looking at my site and stuff. I then I would go to college and they think they know me and I am just like thinking:
“Come again?”
I’m private too, so I am glad I moved, because now people think I don’t have a site anymore, and even if the google my name, it doesn’t come up. xx
Dreaming can be fun though even if it is a nightmare. It’s like an adventure. I wish to dream even if it’s a bad one.
No problem I’ll change your name
Would you like me to change your name to Webmiss?
I believe when you’re up like that at night it’s because God needs to talk to you. Maybe you should try praying and asking him what he may want the next time you are up like that.
Maybe the dreams are a way of her staying in touch with you, or your subconscious trying to tell you that no matter what she had to go. It sucks when people die, especially family, but sometimes you just need to let them go and not dwell on things and what you could or couldn’t have done.
Wow. That’s weird that we have the same dreams. Sometimes I think it’s my mind telling me that I have to come to terms with the fact that she’s gone but she will always be with me, if you know what I mean. I think her coming back symbolizes that she’ll always be around no matter what and that her leaving means that she’s no longer with me in the physical.
You can just change my name to “Sage”.
I think that my mother is trying to speak to me in various ways. I think that I just need to be more open-minded about these dreams.
I’ve had very bizarre dreams as well. I find that I have these dreams, when I know that I have to wake up early and go to work, which results in staying awake at night, and being tired during the day.
I’ll change your alias, next time I update.
I’ve had a couple of dreams which felt so real to the point that I end up waking up crying, you know? It sucks to sleep the next day coz you get this feeling that what if you dream about the same sad thing over and over again. I just hope you’ll have less dreams of anything to that effect coz I know it would be extremely hard for you.
man i write or eat myself to sleep , maybe its all mental
Hey there Sage
Sorry to hear about your awfully long night (and day)
I get those “insomniac” nights sometimes, especially when I’m stressed out like you mentioned.
I think maybe because I have so much on my mind, I can’t sleep :S
Anyways, hope everything gets better for you.
Peace.
I know that loosing a mother is no where near as close as loosing a grandfather, but I understand what you’re talking about when it comes to the dreams. When my grandfather died, I kept having these strange dreams that I couldn’t understand. I’d tell my grandmother and my mother about them and they’d try to deduce some wacky reason for the dream. But each and every dream, my grandfather was able to walk, which is bizarre because he lost both of his legs do to diabetes. I think your mother is trying to tell you something, just like I think my grandfather has been trying to tell me something. Maybe we’ll both figure it out one day.
I’ve come up with a nick name as well. I haven’t put it into full effect yet, but I have started making the change. I changed your name, by the way.
I’m sorry to hear about your nights lately. It’s like your subconscious won’t let you forget anything. I dated a guy a few years ago who’s mother had died when he was five and he had really vivid dreams about her all the time.
Your name’s been changed on my blog. I may have to do the same in the future. It’s hard being “out there” and “not out there” at the same time.
You know, that is a wonderful concept for your dreams. I am sure that is what it means. Possibly even the same as mine, I just wish mine weren’t so harsh and heartrending.. but then again, if it wasn’t, maybe I wouldn’t notice them so much?
Whenever I’m unable to sleep at night, what I start to do is think of a nice and warm fuzzy story that I’ve read recently, and start imagining a “live movie” of it in my mind… hoping that the currents of its warmth will drift me to sleep… most cases it works, and in some it doesn’t especially when stress is that overwhelming.
I’ll be updating your name shortly